News from the Dept of Criminal Darwinism

Sure, robbery is a crime, but wouldn't the larger crime be not having the right earrings for a job interview?

UPDATE: "I guess I'm not going home."

Holy oversight Batman!

So I was rearranging computer files and I found some pictures from when my mom and her friend Lisa visited me in December. I can't believe I had forgotten about them! We had such a fun time that weekend. And there were some cute pictures, so I've posted them in my New York Visitors album.

Meanwhile, the packing continues. I keep running into the corners of boxes, and thus far I have been lucky to contain the bruises above the knee. Can't have any below or they'll be visible when I wear my dress for the wedding next week.

Getting my move on

My move date is finally set. The new landlord has agreed to let me in on the 31st, so I won't be homeless for a night. Sweet. So now I just have to book a movers and I'm ready to roll. I've already packed most of my apartment, so from here on it should be pretty smooth sailing. I have to go back out to Queens next week to sign the lease, but I promise not to rant about it. Really. I promise.

My mother's wedding is less than two weeks away now. She's very excited, and that's really cute. Actually, everyone is really excited. It's such a wonderful thing to get together with family to celebrate such a happy occasion.

Week...uh... six-ish, I think, tanning report: I recommend Aveeno! It makes the areas that naturally tan more tan than the rest, so it's really quite natural looking. And it doesn't smell badly like Jergens does. In fact, it really doesn't have a smell at all, so it doesn't fight with perfume. I'm no longer a white ghost! I may not be a tanned goddess, but I'm happy somewhere in the middle.

That is all... I may have less time to write in the coming weeks because of all the moving/wedding stuff happening at the same time, but don't worry, I won't forget you!

Don't forget your, uhhhh.... riding crop

Apparently strange things are left behind in apartments as well as the subway.

#1 Reason NOT to move to Queens

The

Commute

Blows

I had the distinct displeasure of travelling out to Forest Hills in Queens for an 8:30am appointment with my new property manager on Friday. For those of you who don't know where Forest Hills is, let's just say it's at the end of the line. The E line that is. I had to get up extra early to travel an hour out there, so I was already annoyed when I started out for the day. I arrived expecting an interview and was there for 5 minutes. 5 minutes! I can't believe she made me do that. Was there something about looking me in the eye which somehow proves I'm not a serial killer that talking to me on the phone couldn't? I would understand if she took a half hour to ask me some questions, but there was none of that. The most probing question she asked was how to pronounce my last name. Mostly I was just trying to plead my case to let me sublet the apartment to avoid all the hassles they are causing because they are annoyed the current tenant is breaking her lease and they are taking it out on both of us, which is so not fair. So at this point it's 8:45 and I'm pissed.

And yet, as ridiculous as this journey was, it wasn't the worst part of the morning. Getting back on the subway at the height of New York rush hour was. The E train is a serious express train, making very few stops before it gets to Manhattan. Express = crowded. And the E trains are all old trains, with poorly placed poles to hang on to leaving everyone teetering on each other the entire ride. It was gross and smelly and definitely invaded my personal space. Grrrrrrr..... Then I went to transfer to the 6 train. Big mistake. The line to get on the escalator to the 6 was so long I didn't even realize it was for the escalator. Once I figured out the quicker line was for the stairs I fought my way there. When I got to the base of the stairs I looked up couldn't see the top. Apparently the E train is five flights below the 6. I made my way up huffing and puffing and finally got over to the 6, which was then equally crowded. But they run newer trains so that was a slightly better ride. By the time I got to the office I was close to a rage, and it was only 9:45.

My office situation didn't help my mood. We've hired a few people lately and had to reorganize to accommodate. The day before I was uprooted from my comfy corner in the back to an office in the front. So now I'm stuck in a glass office in front of the entrance where it's ridiculously loud with everyone having meetings and yelling through doors. Not to mention that we keep all the marketing/shipping/etc supplies in this particular office so people are constantly traipsing through. Oh yeah, and my computer is the only one hooked up to the fancy printer and scanner so I keep getting kicked off for other people to do work. They tell me it is temporary, but I don't believe them.

I got the call in the middle of the day that the property manager won't let me sublet, but that I can move in June 1st. The current tenant left this weekend giving them 3 weeks to clean/paint/etc. I asked to move in on the 31st and she said that's really pushing it. There is maybe a week's worth of repairs and they won't give an inch, because they just don't have to. Jerks. I'm nervous about signing the lease, but this is the norm in NY so I just have to get in and then I'll never talk to them again since the building has a Super.

On top of all this it was Day 5 of the headache sent to suck my will to live, which would indeed continue through to Day 6 and for a short stint of Day 7 (as I write this now, on Day 7, it seems to have finally died away).

My weekend was actually a huge improvement, despite the headache. I had dinner and saw Spiderman with Jerry and got all of my non-essentials packed in my apartment, which makes me feel good to be ahead of the game. I have to be completely packed by the 24th when I leave for my mom's wedding, and will move just a few days after getting home, so I don't really have much time left. I hope to get an answer out of the property manager tomorrow on the date so I can book movers.

Sorry to unload on all of you, but damn, Friday was a bad day. I feel much better now.

And seriously, don't move to Queens. Bad days will follow.

Are you nimrods still leaving stuff on the subway?

You loved it the first time, and now the MTA has a brand new sign telling us who to call when we lose something on the subway. The earlier sign showed us that people were leaving cobras, crutches and prosthetic limbs behind... let's see what they are leaving now.

It's good to see that people have stopped leaving medical equipment behind. No, wait... what's that? A stethoscope? Maybe that's why during my last appointment with my doctor she didn't listen to my lungs. It's not that she couldn't be bothered as I had thought, but instead she had left her stethoscope behind on the train that morning.

What else do we have here? A table fan. Sure, I get that. It gets really hot in the subway during the summer. It would be wise to have a table fan for the ride. Of course they forgot to picture the wireless power supply that keeps it running, gonna need that for the table lamp too. The hairdryer is a little strange, but some young lady might carry it with her just in case she has to take a walk of shame. She may be wearing the same slutty outfit from Friday night at 9am on a Saturday morning, but at least her hair looks good.

People are sure leaving lots of sport equipment behind these days. Tennis ball/baseball, sure. Raquet, okay. Dumbbell, perhaps. But skis? I don't think so. If you are carrying skis on the subway you are either standing and holding them or they are laying against you because there is nowhere to lay them flat. Oh yeah, and skiers aren't stupid. Now if there was a snowboard on here I would have believed that.

Juju sit. Good Juju.

Good news my dear readers, I got the apartment that I applied for! The move-in date has yet to be determined, but trust me, in NY the hard part is just securing the apartment. The management company isn't sure how much work needs to be done in the apartment before I move in, but the current tenant is leaving this weekend, and we can't imagine anything they plan to do would take more than 3 weeks. They are just being cautious. Some dude is going in there tomorrow morning to see what needs to be done so I'll have a good idea by the end of the day. We're shooting for June 1st, and I don't think it will be a problem, and if it is, it won't be by much and I'll figure out a solution. Finding a good apartment without a broker's fee in this city is so hard, I'll do whatever I must to make it work.

Soon I'll be living in a quiet one-bedroom on a tree-lined street in Prospect Park: two blocks from Jerry and Jenna, a very short walk to Prospect Park, closer to the gym, laundry in the building, close to all the activities of Park Slope, only 5 minutes further from work, still within walking distance of any subway I would want... etc, etc. I'm finally excited about moving. It's a new chapter people. A fresh start. I'll be living the New York life. Cramming all my belongings into a "cozy" apartment with "character" and "lots of light." In reality, it's perfectly sized for just me, is in a well maintained old building and does have plenty of light with windows in every room. I'll be here for a while and will actually be able to paint and decorate, so it will really will feel like my home.

Ahhhhhh, home.

"Now that's a real shame when folks be throwin' away a perfectly good white boy like that."

It's a boy of tape, but still, very white. In Union Square, 6:30 pm last night. I figure it's art. I should scour YouTube to see if a tape pops up with me on it stopping to take the picture. I would be a likely target as I was carrying a big bag of boxes home from the office for my move. Had to turn around and find a place to put them down to take the picture. Oh Zeus, please don't let me be on YouTube!!!

I've also added some photos to my Out and About in NY album from the Brooklyn Botanic Gardens. I was pleasantly surprised at how well many of them turned out with just my little point and shoot camera and a little photoshopping. You might like them too.

Mack attack

People hate public displays of affection. People in couples hate them, and people who are single hate them even more. But every once in a while what starts off as a gratuitous PDA can end in a really satisfying story. This is one of those stories.

In the previous post I mentioned that Jenna and I spent our Saturday afternoon hanging out in the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens. As we were strolling the grounds we came upon this couple making out on a large lawn. There was nobody else on it but them so they didn't blend in, at all. Not just because they were the only people in a field of green, but because they were really enjoying themselves. They either didn't notice or didn't care that other people were watching them. Adults, children, an overly-tattooed couple. They certainly didn't/couldn't see the security guard on the other side of the lawn. But all the vertical people did.

From far away in his dark grey uniform the security guard slowly descended upon the distracted couple. Many passers by in the area stopped to watch what was sure to be a great moment of embarrassment. Almost on top of them, he finally spoke up and told them to move it along. Excessive macking is not allowed in the sanctuary of the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens. Feeling like teenagers busted for making out in a parking lot, the couple got up and walked off briskly, laughing of embarrassment and looking only at each other.

Jenna almost clapped, I would have died laughing if she did.

"Oh yeah, GET AWAY FROM ME!"

Tonight I went to see a studio apartment in Park Slope. It wasn't the apartment for me mostly because the hallway was so narrow I couldn't get my couches upstairs. But also because even if I could I wouldn't have had the room to put them anywhere once they were in. But this isn't the point on the story...

When I arrived at the open house everyone else there was a couple. Tons of them. And all of them were scrambling to get their application in. I just couldn't imagine two people living in that apartment. For just another hundred dollars a month each they could have an apartment like I have now which is very comfortable for two. I just didn't get it.

A little while later I was waiting for the subway when one of the couples that was at the open house walked past. When we got on the train they were sitting not too far from me. I overheard the girl saying to the guy, "We are totally going to have our own lives. I mean, we can't be around each other all the time. Like lately, I feel like you've been smothering me." She said it so nonchalantly, like "Should we have bagels for breakfast? You're smothering me. How about french toast?"

Ummmm, as a person who has lived with people, a few points. 1) If you live in a studio with another human, you will be around them, ALL the time. Unless of course one of you is nocturnal. 2) If you already feel smothered, moving in together might not be the best approach to work on that particular problem. 3) Perhaps after filling out an application for an apartment is not the best time to have the "you're smothering me" conversation on the subway. What a lucky guy he is.

For my own part I applied for an apartment last week that I really like. I hope to know tomorrow if I got it. Chances are very good, but anything could happen. Be with me now juju!

Week four-ish tanning report: The lotion for fair skin didn't do too much for me. I was just about to pick up a spray on tan when Megan said every article she's read about the lotion tanners says that you have to go at least a shade darker to get any results. So I stepped it up to the medium tone... we'll see how it goes. I also had a really nice day with Jenna at the botanical gardens over the weekend where we soaked in the sunshine. Don't worry! I was wearing sunblock, but some of those rays always sneak on by to aid in the tanning. If I keep with the lotion and the sunshine my skin might not blind my mother on her wedding day!

He's a Jeff, I bet he'd love me

Craigslist is maybe the best site for social experimentation... ever.

UPDATE: Sorry folks, this link doesn't work anymore... but trust me, it was funny as hell.