Grown-up book report

I have a bone to pick with Emily Giffin, the writer of the book Baby Proof. But first...

Most of my readers already know my stance on kids. They are fine; we have to have them for continuation of the species, and I even like some of them (my cousins seem to pop out some mighty cute ones). But they aren't for me. The desire to non-produce puts me in a major minority, but it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with me. For years I've endured all-knowing remarks from family and friends who are all certain I'll change my mind when I meet The Right Guy. Oh yes, how could I forget? The Right Guy is out there somewhere. The man who is so physically, intellectually and emotionally gifted that our bond of love creates a force such that can't help but be shared with the world in the form of new genetic material left behind to carry on the legacy of our joined selves. The man who will be so perfect that what I want for my life no longer matters.

Hooey. Serious, serious hooey.

Such is the topic of above mentioned book, Baby Proof. Claudia is an attractive, intelligent, successful New York woman who doesn't want to be a mother. Right around my age she resigns herself to living her life as she wants, content that she may not ever find The Right Guy, and she's okay with that 'cause she has family, friends and New York City as her playground. Chapter One, Claudia is someone I want to hang out with. Of course she does find a man named Ben who is also attractive, intelligent and successful and doesn't want kids. They fall madly in love and marry. A few years in, he changes his mind, and decides he wants to be a father and they divorce. Chapter Two, my greatest fear realized, marrying The Wrong Guy. The rest of the book tells the story of Claudia trying to move on, trying to be okay with living the "New York as my playground" life again, and questioning her decision not to have kids with who she thought was The Right Guy.

And it's a great read. Giffin writes a page-turner of a chick-novel, which I think is pretty hard to do. These are not usually the types of books I engage in, but I couldn't put it down. Then I got to the very end, and became really, really annoyed. (If you plan to read the book and don't want to know the end, stop reading, cause I'm definitely going to spoil it.)

Claudia comes to the realization that she can't live without Ben. That he really is The Right Guy and she makes the decision to have a baby with him in order to get him back. You get the feeling that she's softened a little about having kids, but still would rather not. I wouldn't even call her on-the-fence about it, she's still pretty firmly on the No Kids side. She arranges to meet Ben for lunch to tell him. But before she can, he blurts out that she is The Right Woman and he will happily give up having children if he could just be with her again, because he couldn't imagine having a child with anyone else on earth. The moral of the story: Love Triumphs All.

I adore Shakespeare, the king of Love Triumphs All, but I think even the bard would have had Romeo and Juliet part ways if they couldn't agree on a family life. "Juliet, put down the dagger. Romeo, lay off the poison. There's someone better out there for each of you. You're only teenagers for chrissake!"

Here is why I have a big problem with this ending; no one should have to compromise on the choice to have or not have children. For as strongly as most people want to have kids, this is how strongly I don't. Having children is an amazing thing that should never be denied to anyone who wants to do it. From what I'm told it is fulfilling beyond words. But only for those who choose it. For me (and I'm assuming there are a few others like me out there), having children isn't a source of fulfillment, and we shouldn't be denied the choice not to have them. I realize I am posing the argument in black and white, when there are a bunch of people out there in the grey who could go either way and be happy. Many of these people are happy they had families in the end. Some are not.

My point is this: I would NEVER ask someone to give up having children if they want them, and I would NEVER tolerate someone asking me to have children knowing I don't want them. This is not a compromise situation, and it's a lifelong choice. I do believe that almost anything can be compromised on without regret and resentment, but this is one of the few that cannot.

So the book ends with them back together, and Claudia never told Ben that she was willing to have a child. At least it wasn't written in the book. You don't really get a sense of whether they will or not. They are happy back together and the future seems shiny and bright. But would I ever love to see the sequel when he starts resenting her for not having a kid, so she has a kid to preserve the marriage, and then resents him for the rest of their lives because she had to have a kid for him and they are now both stuck in an unhappy marriage. Or maybe they get divorced and at holidays buy the kid gift certificates for a lifetime of therapy. Good times, good times.