Choose Your Own Adventure: Death Edition

I hate science. Just when the science guys convince you that your drinking habit is helping your cholesterol it turns out it's also giving you cancer. Want lower blood pressure? Have some dark chocolate... but you had also better head to the gym to burn off the extra calories. What these dichotomies are basically saying (to me) is that you should choose your vices based on what you would like to die of. Because, let's face it, a life without a few vices is a life not worth living. So you'd be healthy and prolong a really boring existence. Not for me. I'm off to buy some chocolate with liquor in the middle.